I felt like i was really low on iman, bak kate pepatah "iman senipis kulit bawang"..mcm tuhlah iman d dada aku nih… hurm, mama slalu pesan "dik be a good muslimah, be istiqamah".. tp aku bkn mama, aku x de pendirian..kalo di rumah, aku smngt berkobar2 nk jd mcm mama dan nek tp bile balik duk sendiri, makin hari makin lalai… "Tuhanku ampunkanlah segala dosaku.
Tuhanku maafkanlah kejahilan hambaMu.Bilakah diri ini kan kembali,
Kepada fitrah sebenar,
Pagi ku ingat petang ku alpa,
Begitulah silih berganti…"
In the middle of the nite or early subuh, i couldn’t stop crying bila mengingati kebesaran Allah, carried all the sins in front of Him and asked for forgiveness, asked for protection of the hell, azab seksa kubur.. o Allah~ i cry everytime i rmmbr u, rmmbr my sins… even i watched lots of rusty torture implements dlm movie "House of Wax", aku nangis teruk coz aku takot seksaan kubur and neraka lebih terok dari itu..yes, Air mataku begitu murah…
but o Allah, i don’t know why i am not a good servant…i keep doing the same mistakes, same sins everyday n everyday…aku x de ciri2 budak agama pun~ cara pakaian, cara berbahasa, dan adab pergaulan.. i lost my identity…( x macam kat UIA dan Al-Azhar dulu ) i can’t control myself n need somebody, a friend to guide me as i am far from home… but it seems like my friends beside me right now don’t have that ability~ sbb tu aku hargai teman2 yang ada sejak dulu..dr UIA, perempuan & laki n teman dr skolah menengah SMKDP ( lama doh x jumpe tapi dpt dri FB je ) lain (siape ye? hehe)…wlpn ade yg x delah nmpk alim benor tp skurang2nye mampulah utk memahami diri aku ni~ kiro sedak la utk aku luah perasaan psl2 ugame nih..tapi x sedapnya bila tang ckp bab agame ni, depa panggil cek ustazah pulak..mcm ne ustazah asyik nanye ni..
"A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look at whom you befriend"
(Hadith at-Tirmizi and Abu Dawood).
The person most noble in character and dealings with fellow humans gave us a very clear message and advice in regard to friendship. This hadith is totally right..Yes, it is very sad fact but I don’t blame others.. itulah aku! ( siapa2 yg kenal aku sure da lali dgn perangai mahau yg x blh bt decision, yg mdh ikot kwn2..hehe..) thats why i keep my hands together to make du’a pray to the one and only supaya di tetapkan hati di jalan agamaNya~
“ Ya Allah, Tuhan Pemilik Segala Cinta.. Letakkanlah dunia dalam
genggamanku, jangan di hatiku…”
Malik Bin Dinar :
"Janganlah Engkau Berteman Dengan Seseorang,
Yang Sekiranya Persahabatan Itu Tidak Dapat Menolongmu Selepas Mati Kelak.."
C.I.N.T.A ADALAH ANUGRAH, PELIHARALAH IA SEMENTARA KITA MASIH MERASAI KEUJUDANNYA...
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